My first night at the Gothic, a retrospective. OR, "Some Things Never Change".

"Alright, you ready?" I ask, looking at Garrett. He nods.

"You?" Looking over at Bart now, and then Tyler, and then Joel.

And with a nod of affirmation from all four bandmates, I press play on the backing tracks. Here goes nothing.

And there it is: the click track and electronic drumbeat that signals the beginning of 'Told You So', our first song of the night. Too distant for my taste, but our rushed get-the-other-band-off-and-get-our-own-stuff-on setup was just a step or two away from being a total nightmare and the tech wasn't thrilled about having to run our in-ear monitors, anyway. The tracks and click are quiet, but it's nothing I can't handle.

The band kicks after the requisite first four bars, and everything seems to be alright. Not great, but alright. And then, Garrett starts singing.

The prevailing theory post-show is that the monitor guy got his channels switched around and Garrett's mix was now coming in through my monitor line. Meaning, of course, that his voice was now screaming over everything else in my lame excuse for a hastily thrown together monitor mix.

I adjust my wireless pack's onboard volume. Garrett's voice drops, mercifully, but, so does the click track. Uh-oh. Time to dial-up the focus.

Nevermind that I can't really hear my kick drum (staying strong on my all-time top 5 pet peeves list) or even my toms from time to time. It feels like I'm playing with no real feel at all; no real sense of enjoyment of what I'm playing. I'm just kinda going through the motions, playing what I know needs to be played and trying to find a few spots to shine. It feels like I'm a noob up there, playing to a packed house at the Gothic Theatre for my very first time.

It's become obvious fairly soon into the set that this is definitely not going to be some of the most fun I've ever had playing drums.

But, half an hour later, almost everybody seems to have been really into it. Good crowd reaction (they have to tell me, because I wasn't really able to tell from behind the chaotic cacophony that was my in-ear mix). The guys from the other bands have nothing but nice things to say. And the Suspects themselves are psyched that our first show at the Gothic seems to have gone over really, really well.

Ain't that just the way of things.

I can't remember how many times I've come off the stage frustrated about this thing or that thing only to be told that the show as amazing. Just like I can't remember how many times (many, many fewer times, I assure you) I've been psyched about a performance, feeling like I was in the pocket and in command the entire time, only to hear crickets afterwards (aside from the perfunctory "Good show, man" that seems to be more of an acknowledgement that I made it out alive rather than anything related to my competency on the instrument).

Ah, well. Some things never change, I guess. I suppose it will probably forever and always be a quest of mine to finally play that show where both the crowd and the band feel like a show was all that it could be. Maybe one day. We'll see. Until then, I'll just rest contented with the facts that Modern Suspects' trajectory seems to be more-or-less consistently upward since I was asked to join and that I can now check the Gothic Theatre off of my list of Denver venues at which to perform. Not many more left until Red Rocks.

Here's hoping, anyway.