Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Resistance

It's that thing.

'Ya know... that thing.

Steven Pressfield called it "Resistance" in The War of Art. Resistance is the internal pull to not do what we love to do. I have no idea where it comes from or what causes it, but I can certainly testify to its reality and presence in my own life.

To illustrate, I finally regained the ability to practice on an actual drumkit (and not just a set of practice pads). Long-story-short, my wife and I live in a townhome complex and it is not even close to kosher for me to practice on an acoustic kit. Thus, I spend my time practicing on Roland V-Drums. For the previous two weeks, however, the power supply for the kit has been residing up at Tyler's house in Denver, where it was left just before we went out on tour. I just got it back and could not have been more excited to get back to work.

But, then, Monday rolled around and when my first opportunity to actually sit down at the drums finally came, I found myself not wanting to do it. At all. The real trouble was, I had no pressing issues or things to take care of; no potent distractions even appealed to me. I simply felt the urge to not do what I had been dying to do for more than a week before. What in the world is that about?!?

Resistance is a mysterious and insidious force in my life. It dredges up excuses and reasons for procrastination and it must be dealt with on an almost daily basis. Logically, it makes no sense: I am pursuing my dream, honing my craft, working hard to be better at what I love to do. And yet, some weird, deranged part of my psyche makes constant war on me: all it wants to do is prevent me from doing the work, from taking that next creative step. All this without the slightest shred of rational reasoning.


I've begun to wonder if there is a spiritual component to this whole thing. I know I am not at all alone in my battle with Resistance: every creative person in the world deals with it. But I've found myself considering the idea of a malevolent part of the human condition that has a vested interest in keeping people from doing what they've been created to do. Perhaps it's the artist's own unique manifestation of the thorns and thistles - a specific expression of the curse found in the third chapter of Genesis. Whatever the case may be, it is certainly a provocative thought to consider that the disciplines of practice and rehearsal carry with them so heavy a spiritual component.

It can be an intense struggle just to believe that I have something worth saying; that the voice God has given me is one that people would want to hear. More than that, an investment of time and energy, of blood, sweat, and tears, carries with it the possibility that the effort put forth may not always lead to a desirable outcome. But perhaps the outcome is not the only point. Perhaps the journey is just as important as the destination and perhaps God is just as pleased with what is done behind closed doors as He is with what is performed in a concert hall full of people.

There certainly seems to be something at stake every time I consider not sitting down to do what I love to do. And if all I can focus on is the outcome, the destination, or the payoff, perhaps I've already missed the point.

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