My first night at the Gothic, a retrospective. OR, "Some Things Never Change".

"Alright, you ready?" I ask, looking at Garrett. He nods.

"You?" Looking over at Bart now, and then Tyler, and then Joel.

And with a nod of affirmation from all four bandmates, I press play on the backing tracks. Here goes nothing.

And there it is: the click track and electronic drumbeat that signals the beginning of 'Told You So', our first song of the night. Too distant for my taste, but our rushed get-the-other-band-off-and-get-our-own-stuff-on setup was just a step or two away from being a total nightmare and the tech wasn't thrilled about having to run our in-ear monitors, anyway. The tracks and click are quiet, but it's nothing I can't handle.

The band kicks after the requisite first four bars, and everything seems to be alright. Not great, but alright. And then, Garrett starts singing.

The prevailing theory post-show is that the monitor guy got his channels switched around and Garrett's mix was now coming in through my monitor line. Meaning, of course, that his voice was now screaming over everything else in my lame excuse for a hastily thrown together monitor mix.

I adjust my wireless pack's onboard volume. Garrett's voice drops, mercifully, but, so does the click track. Uh-oh. Time to dial-up the focus.

Nevermind that I can't really hear my kick drum (staying strong on my all-time top 5 pet peeves list) or even my toms from time to time. It feels like I'm playing with no real feel at all; no real sense of enjoyment of what I'm playing. I'm just kinda going through the motions, playing what I know needs to be played and trying to find a few spots to shine. It feels like I'm a noob up there, playing to a packed house at the Gothic Theatre for my very first time.

It's become obvious fairly soon into the set that this is definitely not going to be some of the most fun I've ever had playing drums.

But, half an hour later, almost everybody seems to have been really into it. Good crowd reaction (they have to tell me, because I wasn't really able to tell from behind the chaotic cacophony that was my in-ear mix). The guys from the other bands have nothing but nice things to say. And the Suspects themselves are psyched that our first show at the Gothic seems to have gone over really, really well.

Ain't that just the way of things.

I can't remember how many times I've come off the stage frustrated about this thing or that thing only to be told that the show as amazing. Just like I can't remember how many times (many, many fewer times, I assure you) I've been psyched about a performance, feeling like I was in the pocket and in command the entire time, only to hear crickets afterwards (aside from the perfunctory "Good show, man" that seems to be more of an acknowledgement that I made it out alive rather than anything related to my competency on the instrument).

Ah, well. Some things never change, I guess. I suppose it will probably forever and always be a quest of mine to finally play that show where both the crowd and the band feel like a show was all that it could be. Maybe one day. We'll see. Until then, I'll just rest contented with the facts that Modern Suspects' trajectory seems to be more-or-less consistently upward since I was asked to join and that I can now check the Gothic Theatre off of my list of Denver venues at which to perform. Not many more left until Red Rocks.

Here's hoping, anyway.

2015, the year that was.

I'm not really one for New Year's resolutions. In all honesty, I'm not really one for goal setting. That's not to say I don't have a sizable list of things I want to accomplish, but putting timelines on things I know are beyond my control is not really my style. (Cue the tut, tut's from the motivational speaker crowd.)

All of that to say that I've never really been one to write big, important, beginning-of-the-year blogs, lists, or year-in-review posts. And yet, here we are. Not because this kind of thing is something I always do or even see the need for, but because it feels appropriate given what I've been going through as of late.

On the one hand, I find myself still struggling with frustration because I'm still not where I want to be. As much as I see and recognize the lies of the culture in regards to what makes a successful and meaningful life, I still find myself combating the angst of not possessing what the world would classify as a "career". The money's not great, regular, or dependable at this point.

But then, I'm an artist. What was I expecting?

I was expecting to be THERE by now, that's what. THERE, that place along the journey of life where you get to pitch your tent for a nice long season and enjoy steady work and steady income from the job of your dreams. Because, after all, you've earned it. You've worked hard, you've been passionate, you've maintained focus and vision and direction while others around you checked out and faded away.

Or something.

This all coming from the guy who walks around repeating the mantra, "There are no equations". Inconsistency, thy name is Burns.

And so, today I take a step back to remind myself of what just one year has done for the formation of my career, for the realization of my dreams, and for my life.

Music for all the Christmases

When people ask me what my favorite kind of music is, I genuinely enjoy answering with, "Christmas music". I get so excited for this time of year every year and the music is a huge part of the reason why. It's a wonder that some of the best music in the world only gets played for a single month: in a society so enamored with overindulgence, we somehow manage to do a good job holding off on some of the most magical, romantic, spiritual, and purely enjoyable music of our culture's history until the time is just right.

Well, the time to indulge has come around again, so I'd love to share with you all some of my favorite Christmas albums in the hopes that you might just discover some new favorites of your own. Unfortunately, Christmas music is like any other kind in that there is just as much garbage out there as there is real treasure worth spending your time and money (and ears) on. And, for some reason, far too many retail outlets, radio stations, and other commercial interests given to playing Christmas music tend to favor playing the cheesy, the annoying, and the obnoxious.

So, in light of all this, I offer you my own list, hoping you might find the time to celebrate the season through listening: Christmas music, with it's unique power to remind us of the wonder of the season - through it's timeless & beautiful melodies, it's relaxed swing, and it's lyrical content - should be something we all cherish. I hope you find something in this list that enriches your Christmas this year and stays with you for all of the Christmases that follow.

Happy listening!

~

Harry Connick, Jr. - When My Heart Finds Christmas
Whenever anyone asks me about Christmas records to buy or what my personal favorites are, this always seems to be the first to pop into my head. Connick's album embodies the very idea of the sounds of the season: his voice, his piano, his arrangements, his performance. The originals are just as good as the classics; this is one of the all-time greats. Also, be sure to check out Connick's other two Christmas records, What A Night!, and Harry For The Holidays. (Highlights: every single song.)

George Winston - December
This is it for Christmas piano. There are some great solo piano records out there for Christmastime, but if you can only have one, this is the one to have. In fact, if you can only have one George Winston record, this is the one to have. It's beautiful and peaceful, and the progression of the album from start to finish, song by song, is a masterstroke. (Highlights: Jesus, Jesus, Rest Your Head; Variation on the Kanon by Pachelbel; The Holly and The Ivy)

Thankful.

- For Christmas tunes. It's officially time for the greatest music in the world to ring out, my friends. Let it rip.

- For getting to witness the Kansas City Royals win a World Series.

- For the interesting, talented, and dependable people I have the privilege of calling my friends; for the old ones who stick around when others leave and for the new ones who have brought new color and flavor into my life.

- For a wife who, after 13 years together, still manages to find me funny from time to time.

- For my mother's victory over cancer this year.

- For a glorious and jaw-dropping year of concert going: Chris Botti, Bruce Hornsby, Zac Brown Band, Garth Brooks, Rush, Toto. (Might have been the best year so far, truth be told.)

- I'm thankful for Star Wars, Roald Dahl novels, and Batman: things that were awesome when I was a kid and are still awesome all these years later.

- For gracious musicians who still want me to play drums in their band.

- For living in a country that understands putting lemons in iced tea.

- For hope for the future in the midst of an uncertain & incomprehensible world.

- For great books; vast treasures of paper & ink.

- For great music; what a joy to know that the cacophony of pop culture is not all there is.

- For a God who loved me afar off and continues to give of Himself to make me into something worthwhile.

- For sunsets, the colors of fall, mountains, snow, stars, waterfalls, and all of the other wondrous things that make life in Colorado so enchanting.

- And for so much more I don't have the time to write about now. Thanks for reading, everybody. Thank you for taking the time. If you have ever read this blog, even once, I appreciate it. I hope you can find so many things to be thankful for in your own life that you wouldn't be able to fit it into one blog post, either. Enjoy the season!

Having It All

Within my faith there is a popular heretical offshoot known to as The Prosperity Gospel. You may have heard it referred to with other terminology, Health/Wealth, Name It/Claim It, The Gospel of Success, what have you. Basically, it is a warped understanding of Christian doctrine that teaches that as long as you do the right things, believe the right things, say the right words, and check the right boxes (which usually involves sending some guy on TV in a suit a check), God will hop to and begin to make you wildly successful in every area of your life. It promises prosperity in finances, good health, and security in all things worldly and temporal. It defines the love of God as wanting only the best for His people in this world (if only they would demonstrate enough faith to lay hold of what He's all-too-ready to give them).

It is a lie. Christianity is about far more than earthly wealth and good fortune. But, the Prosperity Gospel has made a lot of its proponents very rich both because people are gullible and because it's very tempting to believe that God doesn't exist for any higher purpose other than to fulfill one's every wish.

There is a non-religious version of this idea, as well. The only real twist is that the source of the successful, perfect life resides in each one of us and not in God. Just yesterday I was skimming around social media (I don't recommend it) when I happened upon a lady who captioned one of her pictures with something along the lines of, "The one thing I want everyone to know is that they can have it all: the job, the body, the spouse, the life..." Of course, what she means (and what she no doubt spends the majority of her time on social media espousing) is that you can have the best/perfect/greatest version of all of those things.

...as long as you do what she tells you do, stay plugged into her social media networks, buy her products, and listen to her advice, presumably forever.

Now, I'm not calling into question the motivations of people who want to spend their time trying to help others live better lives. There's nothing wrong with that. What I do have a problem with, however, is attempting to sell people - through religion or empowerment or self-esteem or whatever - on the idea that life is completely malleable, within our control, and up to us. That life is what we make it. That we, regardless of circumstances, have the ability to turn each and every one of our dreams into absolute reality.

Now, again, please don't get me wrong: I am definitely not trying to say that we have no responsibility in our lives to work hard, pursue our dreams, and be willing to do what it takes to go after what we believe our purpose to be. I absolutely believe in each and every one of those things (anyone who has spent any amount of time reading this blog already knows this). But, there is a huge difference between encouraging people to follow their dreams and telling them that anything at all that they can imagine can be theirs. Let me first make a few salient points: